Note: I wrote this shortly after graduation but never finished it. I figured I'd publish it rather than delete it, and maybe I'll finish it someday, when I have to say more goodbyes.
Why are goodbyes so hard? Is it because you don't want to be apart? Is it because you're afraid you'll never seen that person again? I have had a lot of goodbyes in my life, and I realized I'm the "goodbye-er" who makes promises. I honest to goodness believe those promises, but looking back through the years I have realized my goodbye promises tend to be the least likely to actually happen promises I'll ever make in my life.
I am not lying when I make these promises, in fact, I am making the promises more for myself than for the person I'm making the promise to. I need these promises to get me through the pain of the separation, and for me, an anxiety for the unstoppable changes in our relationship. Best friends separated by 2000 miles are still best friends, but long distance can truly alter the communication at the least and end the friendship entirely at its worst. The promises feed me hope, that no matter what I will see that person when I come visit them at Christmas.
The most terrible goodbyes and promises I gave fell in my last week at college. According to the plan in my head, I told all my friends (and even non-friends) that I would return in the fall for a few weeks at least as I waited to go to Europe. Honestly I think this idea of a return is the only way I was able to survive, the fact that it's not a forever goodbye.
Unfortunately plans change, and when I realized I couldn't return, I was disappointed. I gave up the return for something else, but without the idea of the return I'm not sure how I would've made it through the difficult months following the goodbyes. People may think I'm overdramatic, to get over the fact that things have changed, and I can always keep in touch with my friends, but I think that knowing that
Those long term goodbyes are the ones that make me appreciate the short term goodbyes, yet I still take them for granted.
Why are goodbyes so hard? Is it because you don't want to be apart? Is it because you're afraid you'll never seen that person again? I have had a lot of goodbyes in my life, and I realized I'm the "goodbye-er" who makes promises. I honest to goodness believe those promises, but looking back through the years I have realized my goodbye promises tend to be the least likely to actually happen promises I'll ever make in my life.
I am not lying when I make these promises, in fact, I am making the promises more for myself than for the person I'm making the promise to. I need these promises to get me through the pain of the separation, and for me, an anxiety for the unstoppable changes in our relationship. Best friends separated by 2000 miles are still best friends, but long distance can truly alter the communication at the least and end the friendship entirely at its worst. The promises feed me hope, that no matter what I will see that person when I come visit them at Christmas.
The most terrible goodbyes and promises I gave fell in my last week at college. According to the plan in my head, I told all my friends (and even non-friends) that I would return in the fall for a few weeks at least as I waited to go to Europe. Honestly I think this idea of a return is the only way I was able to survive, the fact that it's not a forever goodbye.
Unfortunately plans change, and when I realized I couldn't return, I was disappointed. I gave up the return for something else, but without the idea of the return I'm not sure how I would've made it through the difficult months following the goodbyes. People may think I'm overdramatic, to get over the fact that things have changed, and I can always keep in touch with my friends, but I think that knowing that
Those long term goodbyes are the ones that make me appreciate the short term goodbyes, yet I still take them for granted.
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